Five Ways to Provoke Your Child to Anger

Colossians 3:21 says, "Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, lest they become discouraged."

Here are 5 ways that parents often (fathers especially) provoke their children to anger...

1. Fail to demonstrate biblical love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8a) to your child through:

• Impatience (not waiting for your child to finish a task or hurrying your child to do something that is beyond their capabilities) - violates 1 Cor. 13:4; Gal. 5:22; Eph. 4:1-2; Col. 1:9-12; 3:12
• Unkindness (not providing for your child's physical needs because you are too busy with your own interests) - violates 1 Cor. 13:4; Gal. 5:22; Eph. 4:32; Phil. 2:3-4; 2 Tim. 2:24; Titus 2:4-5
• Jealousy (trying to prove to your child that you can do something better than he can) - violates 1 Cor 13:4; Gal 5:19-20; James 3:13-18
• Bragging (saying things such as “I had it a lot harder when I was your age”) - violates Prov 27:2; Rom 1:30; 1 Cor 13:4; 2 Cor 10:18
• Arrogance (saying such things as “We’ll do it my way because I’m a lot smarter and a lot bigger than you”) - violates Rom 1:3-; 1 Cor 13:4
• Unbecoming actions (purposefully embarrassing and demeaning your child by discussing his failures and shortcomings in front of others) - violates 1 Cor 13:5; Ephes 4:29
• Seeking to have it your own way (insisting that your child or family do only what you want to do) - violates 1 Cor 13:5; Phil 2:3-4
• Taking into account wrongs suffered (reminding your child in an accusing manner of his past failures by saying things such as “I’ve told you this a thousand times…”) - violates 1 Cor 13:5; Ephes 4:32; Col 3:12-13 
• Rejoicing in unrighteousness (encouraging your child to retaliate for wrongs he has suffered from others) - violates 1 Cor 13:6; 2 Thess 2:12
• Not rejoicing in truth (failing to commend your child for being truthful in a difficult situation) - violates 1 Cor 13:6; 1 Thess 5:16; 1 Peter 4:13; 2 John 1:4; 3 John 1:3
• Not bearing all things (avoiding, criticizing, or neglecting your child because he wasn’t perfect in meeting your expectations) - violates 1 Cor 13:7; Gal 6:2
• Not believing or hoping all things (consistently doubting what your child says before you know all the facts) - violates 1 Cor 13:7
• Not enduring all things (responding in anger to your child because you are focused on your own difficulties) - violates 1 Cor 13:7; James 1:2-4

2. Fail to live as an example of the believer (1 Tim. 4:12) by:

• Acting hypocritically (judging your child’s behavior when you do not continually examine your own life by God’s Word) - violates Matt 7:1-5
• Lying to your child or requesting your child to lie for you - violates Rom 14:13; Eph. 4:15, 25
• Arguing with your child or arguing with your spouse in the presence of your child - violates Prov 20:3; Phil 2:14-16; Col 4:6; 2 Tim 2:24-25
• Teasing your child (tickling him to the point of tears or making fun of him when he has been embarrassed or has failed in an endeavor) - violates Eph 6:4; Col 3:12
• Speaking to your child in a unwholesome manner (calling him names or yelling at him in anger) - violates Eph 4:29; Col 4:6
• Showing partiality to one child over another - violating Prov 24:23; also see Gen 25:24-34, esp verse 28, and Gen 27:1-28:9 for illustrations of the evils precipitated by parents favoring one child over another) 

3. Seek to become the ultimate authority in the life of your child instead of showing him the importance of following the Lord (Ezekiel 18:4-20; 2 Cor 3:5-6; 2 Tim 3:14-17; James 1:22-25):

• Practicing a double standard and demanding that your child serve you continually, while you fail to serve your child and others - violates Matt 20:25-28; Mark 9:35; 20:42-45
• Treating your child as a possession or imposing your own aspirations on him (insisting that he meet the goals that you have arbitrarily set for his life) - violates Deut 6:6-7; Psalm 24:1, 127:3; Eph 6:4
• Swearing at your child or using harsh, contentious language when he does not meet certain standards - violates Prov 12:18, 20:3; Eph 4:15, 29, 31; Col 4:6; James 3:2-12
• Comparing your child to yourself or others to show him the ways in which he does not measure up to your standards - violates 2 Cor 10:12, 17-18) 

4. Act in an inconsistent manner in front of, or toward your child by:

• Failing to keep your word and becoming untrustworthy (promising to take him someplace and then arbitrarily changing your plans in order to please yourself) - violates Matt 5:37; Eph 4:15, 25; Col 3:9
• Failing to discipline biblically when necessary - violates Prov 13:24, 23:13; Heb 12:7-8 - or disciplining when provoked and angry - violating 1 Cor 13:5; Ephes 4:31 
• Being erratic and inconsistent in your speech or actions (showing little or no response to your child’s disobedience on one day but at another time becoming visibly upset, using unkind words, and punishing rather than restoring) - violates Prov 15:1; Gal 6:1; Eph 4:15, 29; Col 4:6
• Failing to confess sins that you have committed against your child or seeking to give excuse for your sinful behavior in an effort to justify yourself - violates Mat 5:23-24; Rom 12:18; James 5:16
• Refusing to forgive your child (making statements such as “I’ll never be able to forgive you for what you’ve done to me”) while demanding that your child forgive others for wrongs done against him - violates Mat 5:23-24; 18:21-22; Mark 11:25-26; Eph 4:32; Col 3:12-13

5. When you neglect your child by:

• Failing to spend time with your child in order to show the application of God’s word to everyday life - violates Duet 6:6-7
• Failing to listen patiently when your child speaks to you because you are “too busy” with your own interests - violates 1 Cor 13:4-5; Phil 2:3-4; James 1:19
• Failing to discipline your child biblically or in a timely manner by delaying discipline because “you don’t feel like it” or waiting to discipline your child until a number of wrongs have accumulated - violates Prov 13:24, 19:18; Ecc 8:11

[Source]: Steve Shank